When I was a teenager, I went through an existentialist phase. I read everything I could by Albert Camus; his writing gave words to what I was feeling inside as a messed-up almost-adult who never fit in and probably never would. Exile and the Kingdom is still one of my all-time favorite books.
Another favorite was Being and Nothingness, although I wouldn't say I understood all of it. One passage that stuck with me all these years, though, was about fear and choice. He wrote about how, when you're on the edge of a cliff and filled with dread at the idea of falling, what you actually fear is that nothing is holding you back.
Vertigo is anguish to the extent that I am afraid not of falling over the precipice, but of throwing myself over.
You could jump or stand still. What happens next is all on you.
2 comments:
I too went through a period when I was reading and taking comfort in his writing.
I should blog about the book club I was a member of.
Vertigo, to me, has two meanings. One the fear to fall forward and the other to fall back. Either way, both are fraught with uncertainty but do remind us that we are alive.
@Floogee yes, well-said. I've been thinking about how feeling alive is so often tied to some sense of fear because it involves risk. No one ever lived if they eked along in safety avoiding the cliffs.
@Kellygo -- I can't wait to check out those books. I just added them to my reading list. Would love to see more of your recommendations.
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