When I was a teenager, I went through an existentialist phase. I read everything I could by Albert Camus; his writing gave words to what I was feeling inside as a messed-up almost-adult who never fit in and probably never would. Exile and the Kingdom is still one of my all-time favorite books.
Another favorite was Being and Nothingness, although I wouldn't say I understood all of it. One passage that stuck with me all these years, though, was about fear and choice. He wrote about how, when you're on the edge of a cliff and filled with dread at the idea of falling, what you actually fear is that nothing is holding you back.
Vertigo is anguish to the extent that I am afraid not of falling over the precipice, but of throwing myself over.
You could jump or stand still. What happens next is all on you.